I feel sad for these 2 days especially after i knew how Xiao Pei think about me. She is Senior Nurse Educator. But she never tell me all these in person. Not even Mr. Neo, not right after he knew that. Not anyone. I was wondering did they really want to pass me? If yes, why dont they tell me straight right on front of my face? So that i'll know where and how much more i have to improve so that i can pass the repeat posting?? I'm fucking hate NUH!!
Last time also left with 3 weeks then tell me its impossible for me to have sudden improve, which they think i'm not a safe nurse. Now, left with 2 weeks time, and my preceptor tell me all these. What's wrong with them man... Cant they just tell what's in their mind and stop pretending that they are fucking good?!
To be frank, human gave up on me, so do i gave up on this world. Suicidal thoughts hunting me days and nights. It make me feel horrible to let anyone know about how i wanted to inflict pain on myself so that will make me feel much more better.
At a point of time, i felt so lonely and felt like i'm the only loser left in this planet. Tell me, tell me, why am i born in this world at the 1st place? I dont even dare to give mom a call, and tell her how i feel right now.. i'm so scared i'll make her worried again like last time... i'm so freaking lousy...
I need pain on my skin... i need to see blood flow out from my body... people think i'm crazy... perhaps i am...
