Went for relative's wedding dinner yesterday, but the day before the dinner, mom asked me to be home earlier because she wanted to buy some new clothes for the dinner, She complaints that she don't have any pretty clothes. So we went for some shopping. But as i expected, she didn't brought any. My heart feel pain, very pain when i saw her couldn't even buy a clothes that she test. I understand her feeling because i also ever come across this situation and this feeling was terrible. I feel sad for her. A woman who don't have money, body and status, that kind of feeling was not good. It will make u feel bad and sad and question yourself, "what and why am i doing and had done in this world?" I kept comfort her, although she look fine but i believe deep in her heart she was not. I love her, that's why i feel so sad when i saw her like that. If not because of us, she will has much more better chances to have a better life. She has sacrifice a lot for the family.
But yet i have a lousy stupid and bastard father. Ego. Lazy. Smelly. I hate him. I really hate him, because he really know how to make my mom's life misserable...
This time going back to M'sia make me feel more negative than happiness. Because out of sudden i miss Wei Long so much after the dinner. I was crying.. I don't know why, but i do miss him. I never been single for auch a long period. Break up almost 1 month already but yet i still stay single. Is it because i still love him, or just because i still couldn't find some one that are better then he is? I think is both. I have quite a few number of admirer but none of them can fulfill my requirement. Suddenly I'm so afraid that i might be single for my whole life.
He has some of the characteristic that was same like my father's. Ego. It frighten me when i realize it. I seems like saw my father in his body which i really don't want to acknowledge it but i can't. I'm so scared that i'll also lead a life like mom's.
Sometimes, i really want some one to hug and kiss me. I believe everyone have also have that needs. But i don't want anyhow ask someone to hug and kiss me. So i'll keep looking for a guy that are qualify to become my new boyfriend.
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