A sudden feeling..

Whenever I'm with Indah, Boys Girls Relationship (BGR) is our main topic. Second is friendship. Third is talk craps. Hahaha...

BGR--- She and her boyfriend, my ex and me. Actually we talk a lot when we are together. Too much till I couldn't recall any of them. But there is one thing that i still remember, I told her that I'm much more happier after I break up with him. I asked her, is it real that I'm much more happier now if compare to the previous me? She say yes. And I'm happy to hear that because I thought it was just my illusion. She say I always look tired and sleep during lecture, don't have time for myself. What she say was quite true. To think back at that time, I was neglected my friends and most importantly-- myself. I had changed... a lot.. untill I couldn't recognize myself. That feeling was so scary.

To think back, I have to meet him and overnight at his house every Saturday... When we are still in honey moon period, it was really sweet and warm. But sooner or later, when i get tired of all these overnight thingy, rushing here and there, packing my clothes into a big heavy bag, and he refused/ not sincered in helping me carry my bag. Reason? He say inside the bag is my "dirty clothes". It's not good for him to carry it.

I was think, think and think, is it worth to continue this relationship? I asked, complained, seek advice from a lot of people.. super duper not happy at all...

Untill, one day, Indah told me that she break up with her ex.... Then it gave me the courage to voice out my feeling. And we end up with unhappy break up.

I was humiliated by him and his entire family when we were together. No body was dare to do that to me. I feel so tiny. Although I'm not pure, not that good, not capable, not rich, not that pretty, but even my own mom also never say I AM A NO MANNER GIRL. His mom said so, his great grandma said so, his step father said so, his whole family don't like me. Is it my fault? I really don't know.

I wouldn't say I had forget about him, because I'm definately telling lies if I say so. He say he is waiting for his "she".. He say I start missing him when I got no one. I miss him, not because of I got no one but it is because of some reason... Reasons? I love him... everyone can like and have crush with a lot of people but love? NO!! It's only once in a life time. That's why I seldom say "I love u" to anyone...

Anyway, what's the point of saying all these shits now? I know.. because it was just a sudden feeling...