i'm not alone...

Just read one of my patient/ friend's blog which I had quite a long time didn't have a look at it already. My sincere appologize to you, my dear friend. And I feel empathy with what had happen to you because the same thing also happen to me. Just that my situation wasn't as bad as yours.
"I'm really tired about friends that push me around and not really bother of how I feel inside. I think they are just acting of being my friend. It's not that I want to say about them. Just that life has been very bad for me.
Sometimes I just feel like committing suicide. But I know if I die, I'll go to hell. And if I don't die, I'll be suffering. Feel like slashing again, but people around me will get hurt. I want to feel the pain on my skin rather than on my heart. Sometimes I act like I'm okay, but I'm not. I don't want to tell people.I just want to keep them to myself and become crazy. Which I think am now crazy. I want to cry, but no, I will hold it inside. I don't want to show my feelings to anyone and everyone."
Sorry that I qouted some of your posting, but it's all represent what I felt before and sometimes, it also occur when I really depressed now...
Slashing.. a word and a way of releasing anger, depression, emotion, and when you have no one to talk to, the best way is slash yourself.. which is not recognized by health believe model. But yet, it's the good way of stress relieve. Because I had done that quite often when I'm in secondary school, quite often in doing that. Mom doesn't know about this, because I never tell her, in another way that I don't want her to know that her daughter had slashed herself due to the pressure that she gave me.
Shocked? Hahaha... I find that slashing on the skin will make you feel better when you feel pain at the slashed site. Some blood just bleed from the tiny cuts, pinkish colour between the fine cuts. Nice to see nad nice to touch and feel also.
I know and understand the feeling because I really had gone through quite a lot of things, so sometimes, when friends want to talk to me, all the feeling and advices are not sympathy but it's empathy. I need not to sympathy anyone, (like some one had said to me that he didn't need my sympathy, and I hate when someone said that to me.), I just put myself in others shoes. Tried to but somehow, it just don't work.
By the way, I'm using library's computer to post this post. And I saw a couple just had some cold war.. hahaha.. but very soon, the guy try to sweet talk to her and do a little thing that usually a little kid will do when the mother is angry. Example: pull his gf's sleeve.. cute... hahahha... then the gf show that she's not angry by just simply kiss at the bf's cheek. Well, now, they are ok like before. See, life can be so simple...