if...

If the man in my family is capable.. i guess i will not look for warmth outside..

If the man in my family is capable, mom and i will not do guys work...

If the man in my family is capable, my family will not have to suffer like this..

If the man in my family is capable, we will not need to be humiliate by other family members..

I want to tell my brother, i was once being looked down by my father, he think i'm only good in fashioning, buy new clothes and put on make ups. He only saw this side of me. I used 1 year time to prove that i'm not that kind of girl. I want to let him know that I'm not only good in these, but I'm good in academic too. I scored 4 A's in SPM. He shut himself up and applied Singapore PR for me. And now I realized that by scoring all these, not only to prove it to my father, but also to help my mom who had always defend me whenever my father scolded her for not teaching me well enough. What I had done for my SPM, is the result of what i have right now. Continue studying overseas. I hope my brother will realize one day, that what mom forced us to do isn't wrong. Maybe the wrong method by nagging non stop, scolding, it is for our own good. I had went through all these that's why i said, mom was right. What we do now, is what we will get for our future. And our future, she's only sharing it with us, not own it for us. 

Maybe my brother will not read this, but i do hope 1 day, he will realize, before it's really too late...

a lousy day...

Why I say it's a lousy day? Because i had diarrhea when I'm doing my shopping at Tao Payoh and when I'm working!! Omg.. i had this diarrhea once a month.. and what make it more lousy is work place at Tao Payoh doesn't have a proper toilet with toilet paper there. Only 1 word can describe: LOUSY!!

my new look!!

Ridzuan get me a full hair extension at Far East Plaza on 7th of August. Well, I'm quite excited when he say wanna get me hair extension as he wanna give me a very early birthday present with his very 1st pay. He that time, as my friend, after we break up for 5 days. We still keep in touch after we break up as he say he wanna be my best friend even we can't become a couple. It's quite weird for me to be his best friend after what had happen, but with his accompany for that 5 days, I didn't feel lonely or lose him. 

During FYP celebration BBQ, I really had an enjoyable time. To be frank, I do feel free as in  my feeling doesn't feel so heavy like when we are being together, like he was too paranoid with what i do, so everytime i go out, i feel that I'm responsible for what I'm doing. Like i need to report for what I had done for the whole day, so when we break up, i feel sad, but a bit relax...

After BBQ, Ridzuan came and pick us up, I guess I gave him the wrong impression that I'm angry with him or don't like him. I'm sorry, I don't mean it. Then we meet up the next day. 

When we shop at Far East Plaza without holding each others hand, or no intimate body language, I feel weird. And my body just move towards him, just like having the illusion that we are still together. He is like a magnet to me, keep attract my eyes and body towards him. I must be crazy...

When I do my hair extension, he went to another saloon for a hair cut, and guess what? I had to wait for him for another 30 mins, and I don't have money with me, that's scary to wait there without money with you!! I'm so scared that he will just ran away and leave me there, so I kept sms him and ask him to come over asap. Then he reassured me that he is not that kind of bad guy. Well, he proved he's not. He showed up after 30 mins and was shocked that he had to pay~~~ $270!!!

Lets have a look at my new hair...

 He took this picture for me. Look nice right?I like this!!

And this is how it look after I wash it. Totally different from the 1st day. I like the 1st day hair more. 

 After that, I treat him a cup of bubble milk tea which I can afford. Then we shop there for a few hours, I didn't buy anything, but he get himself some T-shirt. I like the T- shirt that is quite tight for him, because he look sexy with the T- shirt on. Oopps.. =X 

Then he send me home, we sat in the car for hours near my block. We chat. Then out of sudden he ask to patch again. Well, I do like him a lot... so i agreed, but I told him, that's the last chance I can give him, if we do not appreciate it, we will no longer be friends anymore after that. Because I can't take it anymore, as the next few months, I can't let my emotion over take me. I need to be focus during my attachment. I can live without love, but I can't live without my carrier. I'm sorry to say this, but this is  the reality of my life. 

Even though this relationship is brittle like it look, but it is really special for me. Fern do feel that I had changed since I be with him, I don't know whether this is a good change or what, but I do want to be with him till the day we can no longer be together... 

 Thx Ridzuan, for everything that you had done for me.. <3 i love you!!!

代表我的歌

每个人都会犯错。曾经恳求你的原谅，你说原谅了，但是行为和言语并不是如此。我应该早就发现，打从一开始，对你说实话的那刻起，你已经不再信任我。不管我再怎么解释你都听不进去。被别人怀疑，不信任，误解，诬赖，已经不是第一次了。既然我没办法再让你相信我，不如放手让你找一个更好的女生。因为我一点都不值得。如果，你仍然认为我是那么的不专一，就随你吧。反正从小到大，尽管解释到我没气了，其他人都是不相信我的。

我决定了，这次，真的放手让你走。谢谢你让我有那么愉快的一个学期。也让我学会，太诚实，也是一种错。

Depressed

This will be a depress month to me. I guess everyday is a depress day... Only have less than 260 for this month. So does next month, and guess what? I'm so demotivated to work anymore. Whatever...
Ever one will say do not give up.I don't want to give up either.

A home work from me

Well, I had been long time didn't update my blog. My dear bf keep on asking me to update it.

Yes you're right! My bf!!! We patched up after 2 days of break up. Well, just that we love each other too much I think. 

Lately was busy with:

1. final year project --> done! 

Everyone had fun I guess. (According to their posting... they said they have fun, thanks to so and so's or every one's hard work) But to me, the process of getting things ready for that day was the fun part. Brain cracking for the items building, the effect and so on. To me, FYP actually itself was boring, although we had Mc breakfast sponsored by Ms. Lee Siew Hua, lunch by Mr. Bernard Lian. Thank to them, I guess they spent quite a number on it.. And another fun thing is I put on ugly make up that scared people. Hahaha.. i like that make up especially the mouth ulcer, but most of the people thought I had been wacked by don't know who.. thanks to Katija who put on the ugly make up for me!!

2. Presentations--> done!

Well, can't say anything. For those who don't have any problems, I'm fine for that. But those who have problems, I just can't stop hating them. I know I have a problem whereby I don't talk to those people I don't like. I know it's obvious, but I just can't control it. I remembered there's some people say so: if there's only 1 person hates you, the problem lies on that person. But if there are a lot of people in 1 group hate you, means the problems lies on you. Get me?? So do not blame others for hating you because you are the problems. 

3. Work--> never gonna done!!!

Work will never finish. Why? Because money will never be enough!!! Thinking of stop working but I just can't unless I get sponsorship from NUH.. Till now they never reply... Never mind then because I'll not stop applying until they fuck me up.. Too much bill to pay but too little money to cover... sad...

4. Relationship--> Patched up!

Patched up with him. Before that, I'm so down. Because when ever I think of him, I feel sad. I told Shuang that I need some time to recover, and I think I almost did that. But he asked me to patched up with him the next morning after we met for the last time. Hmm.. there's 1 warning I want to give him here. 

If you say out break up for 1 more time, there will be no patch up again!! Do you hear me?? Because I don't think I can tolerate a guy who always say break up easily. And guess what? You are the 1st guy who dumped me!!! Happy?? 

4. Family--> never gonna done!!

For these 3 years, almost, this is the longest period I didn't go home because of work, presentations, FYP, exams. Wow, almost 3 months I didn't go home!! I miss them a lot man!! I felt sorry for my mom because she keep asking me, when will I come home? I can't wait to go home, but 1st I need to work more so that I can have money to buy things. Muahahaha!!! 

OK!! Home work done!!! Love ya baby!!!