i'm a weirdo....

Actually, I don't know how to start this posting. Because everything that happen today are all jumble up. 

I felt mostly tired, because I worked 4 days full continuously. And I don't like to work at Tao Payoh because I don't like the 2 Malaysian girls full timer. I guess they also don't like me as well. Reason? Because I don't like the way they talk and attitude. Even though we are from the same country, still, I just simply don't like them. 

So when tired plus working with jerks, definitely will want to find some one to talk to. And I'm attached, of cause I'll look for my bf to complain and talk to him. So i called him. I was too naive that thought he will say something that will make me feel better, but sadly, when I ask him to say something, he said: " I don't know what to say..."

And I asked him why he don't know what to say and he answered:" I'm like that 1, Don't know what to say 1..why you want me to say something?" 

Well, i think it's my fault that I'm feeling down, and called him up, assumed that he will know what to do without telling him. Seriously I felt like killing myself today. I'm not blaming him, but just to blame myself that until now I still haven learn my lesson -- to tell them what and how i feel straight in front of them, tell them what I want them to do. Now, he is not happy, and I'm not happy too. 

Well, my tears drop a few times today. And now, I cried out silently twice. Covered my mouth with my towel to cover up my voice of crying. I don't want to let anyone see me crying like a kid who just lost her mother. And the bad thing is, I feel like an urge to slash myself again, this time, a deep slash... just wish to left a slash mark there... 

I want to apologize to my bf, i felt sorry for him for having a gf like me.