To my dear boyfriend:

After a good night sleep, I can't even remember what make me so emo last night. So please don't ask me what makes me become emo again. 

You know me, sometimes, i just can't remember what's the cause that caused me to be so down. Wanted to be left alone when feeling down or angry, it's because don't want to release my anger onto you. I just hope that you can understand. Although I might throw some tantrum to at times, but I just  want to control it. 

I know I'm contra indicate. Just that I had no idea what I should tell u, perhaps i'm not ready to be honest for anyone around me when there's some problem with them. I just don't have the courage to voice out how I feel to that person. 

It's hard to change as I already live in this kind of life for years. I know I'm using avoidance. avoid from being hate by anyone. 

I think it's due to my childhood experience that no 1 want to be my friend since primary school. Girls thought I'm a slut that always hang out with guys. (anyway, I'm a tomboy for that period of time.) I want more friend during that period of time, some of them be friend with me because of they pity me or something. No idea about that. So I had learned not to offend any of my friends. But actually, I had being "sarcastic" to friends that I think I really care about. 

I learned how to tell lies, always shut my mouth up just because I was scared to talk or voice out my opinion, because there's a lot of bad things that happen since young. Tell a lies that may just make everyone to be satisfied, why not?

I think after this, everyone who read my entry will think that I'm really vain and a lier. No one is gonna believe what I said anymore...