a letter to 2 guys...

Dear Wan and Justin:

I had a thought about the 2 of you. Whenever you guys messaged me, it indicates a few things. 

1. You guys need sex.

2. You guys wanted to have fun.

3. You guys are bored and can't find any girl who is much more dumb dumb than i am.

As a conclusion, you guys went out with me with only 1 motive, get laid!! 

No matter what you guys told me,

"i love you"

"i miss you"

"i think you're the girl that i'm looking for."

"i like you because you're straight forward" This sentence sounds fucking good because it's also simply means "you're also straight forward to the bed in a hotel room"

Please stop telling me that "I'm looking for a girl who i can spend the rest of my time with, i want a serious relationship, fuck buddy aint what i'm looking for..."

All these are fucking bullshits!! These only means " I'm looking for a girl who i can fuck with whenever i need a hole to put my penis into it, fuck buddy aint what i'm looking for because i want a woman whom i can seek for some warmth and call her a wife..."

Perhaps i'm wrong.. but interpret all these into a dirty stuffs seems make myself feel better and i think i just cant stop building up fire wall to protect my heart...

I was wondering: Will i ever fall in love again? Why am i still here, living? 

Dharma teaches us to appreciate, i do want to do so.. believe me... i really do.. but whenever things come to guys, i'm fucking lost... sometimes, we don't just live for a man-woman love, but friendship, family, work...

But the sad thing is these 3 things add up also cant be compared with man-woman love... Am i right?

God knows the best for me...

Our creation, Lynn and i had prepared for this year's mid-autumn festival at Haiyin. A buddhist association that i joined few months ago. I'm not too sure whether its the correct way of saying this- buddhist association, or something else. But i'm totally enjoyed the 2 hours that spent with the children. 

This would be my 1st trial for the beginning of the dance. I had just choreographed 3/4 of the dance and left with some lyrics, but my brain ain't working after i ate my dinner. So maybe later?? Hahaha.. ok... i'll do it later because i only left with 1 week time to finish up the video.

next would be Lynn's video...

 

Ok. I hope you guys enjoy the video. I'll post up the complete video as soon as i've done with it! I promise!! Muahaha

blame no one =(

I always blame and ask why is this kept happening on me. I couldn't find an answer and kept thinking that it might be fated this way for me. But just now i realized that it's not fated but it's my own action that caused all these to happen. 

What had I done? From past relationship, Ridzuan, I had learned my lesson not to date or know any malay guy anymore. But now i did it again. Serves me right if i get hurt from this friendship. Today will be the 3rd date if i manage to go out with him. I find him quite cute and love to be with him as he really can tolerate me talking non-stop for 3 hrs during our 1st meeting. Hahaha and no matter how mean i am, he will not lay his hands on me. I don't understand why i always attracted to a person that i cant have a happy ending with. Perhaps I should make this our last date?? But while waiting, i feel sad deep down in my heart. Like crying non-stop.. feel pain... I don't know how to tell all this to my girls.. i feel shame to tell them all these... 

Shame on you leelee!! Shame on you!! 

I'm so confused... "as long as you're happy" can no longer be use in my love life anymore... only can be use for others like my PSO job, attend to Haiyin every weekend... that's the only thing that i had done right in my life. 

My life is in a mess... but no body knows that... but now i think some will know... I always screwed up my life and my body.. I must control myself from becoming an alcoholic... but beer really make me feel at ease.. like a lavender calm oil, something like that...

Oh ya.. i met a chinese guy also. and he has Wei long's look!! Freaks!! okok.. how does he had his feel?? Let me tell you.. his fingers looked like his. His spectacles looked alike. His hug feels alike. Omg... what else?? I'm totally lost when i found out that he actually stay at Hougang and parents had divorced.. what a fucking coincidence.. this is crazy... but a totally different would be the age.. he is 33 this year.. 10 yrs older than i am. Cool right?? 

I was wondering should i just bury myself under the deep deep sea so that i'll not appear on the lala land anymore!!

Good thing about my work is, i can use the patient use desktop to blog while waiting for a unwanted idiot who just msg me and ask me to go home after i had waited for more than an hour!! How stupid i am... YES!! i know!! STUPID!! and not worth it.. but but but... i just wanna see him.. that's all... 

Ok!! Fine!! i'll make this our last meeting!! How about that?? Erm... If i can just ignore his msg that ask me out suddenly.. like so random... arghh!! scolding people and telling them that it's stupid and not worth to wait for a guy for hours!! And now.. i'm the idiot...