i'm a weirdo....

Actually, I don't know how to start this posting. Because everything that happen today are all jumble up. 

I felt mostly tired, because I worked 4 days full continuously. And I don't like to work at Tao Payoh because I don't like the 2 Malaysian girls full timer. I guess they also don't like me as well. Reason? Because I don't like the way they talk and attitude. Even though we are from the same country, still, I just simply don't like them. 

So when tired plus working with jerks, definitely will want to find some one to talk to. And I'm attached, of cause I'll look for my bf to complain and talk to him. So i called him. I was too naive that thought he will say something that will make me feel better, but sadly, when I ask him to say something, he said: " I don't know what to say..."

And I asked him why he don't know what to say and he answered:" I'm like that 1, Don't know what to say 1..why you want me to say something?" 

Well, i think it's my fault that I'm feeling down, and called him up, assumed that he will know what to do without telling him. Seriously I felt like killing myself today. I'm not blaming him, but just to blame myself that until now I still haven learn my lesson -- to tell them what and how i feel straight in front of them, tell them what I want them to do. Now, he is not happy, and I'm not happy too. 

Well, my tears drop a few times today. And now, I cried out silently twice. Covered my mouth with my towel to cover up my voice of crying. I don't want to let anyone see me crying like a kid who just lost her mother. And the bad thing is, I feel like an urge to slash myself again, this time, a deep slash... just wish to left a slash mark there... 

I want to apologize to my bf, i felt sorry for him for having a gf like me.

To my dear boyfriend:

After a good night sleep, I can't even remember what make me so emo last night. So please don't ask me what makes me become emo again. 

You know me, sometimes, i just can't remember what's the cause that caused me to be so down. Wanted to be left alone when feeling down or angry, it's because don't want to release my anger onto you. I just hope that you can understand. Although I might throw some tantrum to at times, but I just  want to control it. 

I know I'm contra indicate. Just that I had no idea what I should tell u, perhaps i'm not ready to be honest for anyone around me when there's some problem with them. I just don't have the courage to voice out how I feel to that person. 

It's hard to change as I already live in this kind of life for years. I know I'm using avoidance. avoid from being hate by anyone. 

I think it's due to my childhood experience that no 1 want to be my friend since primary school. Girls thought I'm a slut that always hang out with guys. (anyway, I'm a tomboy for that period of time.) I want more friend during that period of time, some of them be friend with me because of they pity me or something. No idea about that. So I had learned not to offend any of my friends. But actually, I had being "sarcastic" to friends that I think I really care about. 

I learned how to tell lies, always shut my mouth up just because I was scared to talk or voice out my opinion, because there's a lot of bad things that happen since young. Tell a lies that may just make everyone to be satisfied, why not?

I think after this, everyone who read my entry will think that I'm really vain and a lier. No one is gonna believe what I said anymore...

Resort world -- family.

Grandma from my mom's side came to Johor to settle some documentation with my uncle. So mom ask me to bring them to Resort World to have a look. So I agreed. Because almost 2 years I didn't see my grandma. Curious how she had changed.

Actually i'm not really in a very good mood to talk about how i enjoy my trip with my family now, so i'll just post my photos that we had took last night.

We were having dinner at Chinatown. The dinner itself cost us $70. So full and i like the salted egg prawn!!! 

my 2nd uncle, who is so desperate to get married... Mom say he is a good nice guy, but somehow, i find him irritating.. maybe because of age gap...

My granny, she look much more older than before. I missed her cooking. Especially pig organs soup, whereby I only drink the soup and the meat.

                                                 We head to Sentosa...

                                  I want this SHREK flush toy!!! so Greeeeennnn!!!

                                     I like Betty!! She's sexy!!

There are a few Golden award for a few people in your life. So maybe can get some for them here. $10 each i think... 

And again, I hate the service crew who took photos for us.... you should know why...

Does this look like BALLON  Madonna in pants??

O.o wow.. a lot of capsicum... (is that a correct spelling?? Lazy to search already.. @_@!!)

   I love big tummy!!! Just like how I love sleep on his tummy!!!

 Before she took this picture, I ask her to keep her tummy in.. hahaha... never the less, she's the prettiest woman i ever see!!! Love her!!!

Hahaha..I'm training my sister to become like me. 自恋... When we were resting in motel at Chinatown, grandma says something about young girls get menstruation at a very young age. And she was wondering whether my sis will be surprised with menstruation or not. Then mom said, my sis was well educated by me. Haha.. I even let her see the vaginal delivery in Youtube. Grandma said she want to see also, because she only see her delivery but not others. 

Both my uncle and grandma laugh at me when I do this post.. =.=!!

I love these!!! How I hope i can have all these on my bed!!! OMG!!!

And this bear bear!!! I like it also. But it's expensive to me. I want to try Hersley Dark Chocoloate!!! It looks nice to eat..

 

The gourmet popcorn. It smells nice. But quite pricey, can try once for the small pack. It's price different according to the size and flavor. I personally like the caramel flavor, like chewing on candies. Hahaha..

Last stop, Vivocity, due to grandma can't walk anymore, we just head back to Chinatown. Oh ya. The motel at Chinatown is a HDB room. Cost us around $70 for 1 night with 2 single beds. Quite ok if you are not a picky person. That's all for my visit at Resort World with my dear family.

at work place...

I forget to record this...

At soup restaurant, City Square Mall's branch, all the utensils are glass.

First day of work, I felt like all my fingers are half cooked. Because the tea are all very hot. 

And today, I broke the glasses. They place the glasses on the top of the shelf, and as you all know, I'm a short turtle.. And i really need to be tip toe in order to take the glasses. And when I try to put it back, i was careless enough to drop the glasses. So from top, the glass drop on my forehead, and chips of the glasses drop into my shirt, and guess what? It cut my belly and i realized it when i change during my break time... hahaha... just don't feel the pain. And my forehead now is in mildly mild pain when touch.. i think it's a bit blue black... 

not enough time...

It's time for me to complain again...

I had work like almost everyday since last 2 weeks. So tired, I don't know why am I doing this, but it seems like I can't reject work. Maybe I had already get used to work, and when I reject any work opportunity, I'll feel wasted that why can't I take up the job, lost a chance to earn money again...

Currently work in Soup restaurant, i admit that I don't like to work there at first, because workers in branch at Woodland is bad. Probably it's my facial expression that make them feel uncomfortable with. That's why they react the same way. 

But now, when I went to other branches, workers there are quite nice, in fact they are more strict and quite demanding. They teach me quite a lot of stuffs in FnB. Which will make me hate chinese dining culture more. Haiz... what to do? Chinese are still troublesome as usual. This is one of the reason why sometimes i don't like chinese.

Mom called me last night, she said every time she call me, I'm working. And she ask me whether I had enough sleep or not, I'm happy that she show her concern to me. Make me feel warm and energetic. 

Plus Zuan finished his NS already, and he will have extra time for me. Quite happy with that too, but just worry that he don't have enough money to spent. And he just transferred $100 to my account. I'm happy and worry. Happy because he is the first BF that transferred money for me to spend, worry because I really scared that he will overspend. 

I bought a mascara today and became a member of Watson too. Was hesitate whether want to be a member, but due to the "20% discount only for member",  i sign up. Because I'm run out of  good mascara already. And I was considering Majolica Majorca's products. A bit expensive if no discount, but the products is really good. And I really like the comb like mascara, I tried the tester, and WOW!!! It's really amazing... It's good for the lower eye lashes. 

 

This is the mascara that I bought, not the same with what I had tested on. But i really hope it won't disappoint me like Maybeline did.

And my eye lashes will look like the first one if i use it. But I want to wait till the Maybeline finished first and throw away all those useless mascara. Hahaha... but I do lack of brown colour eye shadow. Maybe can buy one for Majolica Majorca. Hahaha... I like it!!!

Ok.. I need to go bath now, tomorrow still need to work... =(

1st beach with Zuan

Zuan and I went to Sentosa for some tanning on last Sunday. It's our 2nd month anniversary. We drove to Habourfront Centre to park the car, then we took train there. 

We had our breakfast there at Banquet. Our breakfast cost us around $10. Then we head to Sentosa Siloso Beach.  Train cost us $6.

                                                              this is Zuan and me!!!

                                                 i don't like this picture.. look like a pig....

Siloso Beach!!! Actually we wanted to go to Pahlawan Bearch but because we took the wrong tram that just go to Siloso Beach, then we just stay there. And there's quit a lot of muscle guys and bikini girls. I think I had more advantage than he have because I can look at both guys and girls, while he only like to had a look at bikini girl. Hahahah...And he said he don't know whether he should be happy or be jealous. Happy because I allow him to look at bikini hot girl. Jealous because I look at both hot guys and hot girls. 

Now we changed to swim suit. Too bad I can't fit into a bikini. Hahahaha... or else will be a lot easier if I want to sun tan.

                                         I like the skin colour. And of course I like my tattoo more.

                                                       Big Fat Mermaid with 2 legs!!!

We left the beach around 2pm. Because our energy level are low. So we went for our lunch. Supposedly we want to eat Mc Donald but sadly in Vivo City don't have Mc so we just eat Burger King. And again it just cost us around $12. Yippeee!!!

Well, after Burger King, Zuan said he want to treat me Berry & don't know what ice cream. But I refused because it's expensive. In the end we also had ice cream but it's Oreo Mcflurry. 

The day that we spent together, I had a lot of fun. Even though it's just a simple beach-ing. We talked a lot about our past and love history... =_=!!! And we just spent around $40 for the 2 of us.. Yay!! I like budget outing!!!

Can't be denied that we just started for not long, so whatever that we do, we will feel sweet. Hmmm... then we shall see how long our relationship can last this time.

Oh ya.. before I forget, in vivo city, top floor, they have Pet Village, It's a nice place for pet lovers. And I saw a lot of cute stuffs for pets. And DOGS!!! I want to have 1 when I live in my own HDB... Maybe 20 yrs later.. muahahaha..

And Zuan saw a pearl white hamster.. it's cute... super cute...