Attachment..

Since attachment started, I had no time to blog till today. I have a lot to say, but don't know where to start.

Intro my CI first, Ms. Lee Soi Moi, a new clinical instructor in NUH, I don't know how much she really know about nursing, but she's really very irritating. To me, she is no difference if compare with Nancy Chua.

Nancy said I had no improvement in my communication, even those China girls had improved a lot. I'm not agree with that, not saying that I'm jealous or angry but this is not true. They maybe dare to talk more but their skills are just not that good, and things that we think or rational told us to do in such a way, but they failed to do so. Anyway, I was also have a lot of things that need to be improve in. Which is need to be dare to talk and smile more, whereby all those superficial stuffs.

This is not the first time I encounter this problem, even though I know how to do the procedure, but when the lecturer is here to assess me, I become nervous and tend to be confused on what I should and suppose to do.

I don't know why, even my patient know I'm nervous.. Some how, for these points, I'm such a failure.

I asked mom to call me, I told her what happen. She said, I'm like her. Not good in acting, she teach me that I should behave like how the supervisor wanted me to behave, its just to please them, so that it will help in our carreer.

Thanks to Katija, I can hang on till now in every posting. She help me a lot. No matter in any aspect. I know I'm quite irritate her but yet she still willing to help me. Thank god.

Well, sometimes, I felt that I'm quite useful in the cubicle, only applied when I was being able to do some procedures. Anyway, some staff nurses also can't finish a simple things that had to be done. So what more to us as student nurses. I just don't understand why our presentation have to be given marks by those stupid CI.. What a pethatic system...

Mom called me today. She said she missed me. I think she's worried about me because I was complained about my posting and the problems that I faced here. Not only I faced problems, she also faced the domestic problems. I missed her so much..

Out of sudden, not really out of sudden, should say... Sometimes, whenever I saw a pair of old husband and wife, they walk and holding hands together, I'll asked myself, why my parents not like that? Why they can't being so lovey? I never see them since 10 years ago. And whenever I saw a middle age man, a father who feed his daughter, my father's face will flash across my mind. I don't understand, under my conscious mind, I hate him a lot. But when I face all these situation, I'll think of him.

Mom also worried about him, worrying that father might get stroke or heart attack. Although she said he is annoying, getting her nerves, but I can see that she's really care about him, just that father don't know how to appreciate her. Instaed of cherrish her hardwork, he kept on finding fought with her. Ego man!!

I grown up without a father, although I have a father who is still alive right now. But I thought I just have mother, when I was really very young. Until now, the feeling is still the same.

Felt very insecure these days. Unknown reason.

Well, I don't know what to add on anymore.