This is what my patient do for me.. 2 paper box.. he is a nice person. He will protect me when i had problem..(feeling).. How i wish i had a dad like him. Origami guy..

I kinda miss my patients.. I feel safe when i was with my "dad"..

I'm sad.. emo...

Result.. Although a bit improved.. only 2 D's.. not that wasn't enough for me to graduate..

Today's mood, not that good. I saw 2 patients came back. Both are the patients that I concerned.. I feel sad when I saw them in the ward. What make me more sad is Joseph's illness relapsed. Become worsen. Sudden hyper and sudden emo. The moment I saw them, I asked myself, what can i do for them so that they can cope with their illness and will not relapse again. Like Mr. Ibrahim said, "what should I do so that they will not came back again? What I had not done enough that cause the patient came back again?" I really asked myself these questions. I feel so useless.. I so scared.. Scared that things that I had study is not helpfull.. I'm so sorry..

Waseda 2009

Out of sudden I like my shoe very much..

Stupid kids done stupid eating Ice kacang competition. OMG.. Desheng really eat the ice kacang in the way we taught him..

Hey brother, ice is cold... ralax arh.. no 1 wanna steal your ice kacang la...

Little Ah boy tired already...

Ok la.. I'm not in the mood to post happy things... heheh

IMH...
First week in the IMH had passed.. 4 more days to go. During this week of attachment to IMH, i do learn quite a few things, not as much as in the hospital. But yet knowing the real psychiatric patients behavior and how they react, what are their daily routine. Interesting but had to always watch my back. Because they can turned violent at any time without any signs and symptoms. I had some fence there.. Hahaha.. Luckily I'm older than them. So they are not that into me. Anyway, although they are mentally ill but they are able to help each others when others need help for daily activities like bath and lunch time. Anyway, I had been grab twice by a mentally retarded patient. OK.. don't think too much.. It's grabbed my hand not other places. Surprisingly, I don't even feel scared when he grabbed my hand, but I only scared that he pulled my hand towards his penis. That's all.

p/s: I was wondering. Why am i have no feeling when my hand was being grabbed by the patient? Maybe no more feeling when I was being touched or anyone who come near to me. Is it a good thing or psychiatric problems.. hmm... Maybe Mr. Ibrahim can lead me to the answer..

Love story..
Hahaha... I don't like to work with guys because I know I will fall in love easily. So I always remind myself about all the mistakes that i had made in the past. Maybe I'm too sensitive, I sense that the guy likes me, but he is a Malay, he had a very funny name and hair. Haha.. I think it's a false feeling. Like I said, I had no more feeling when people touched me, so I was also wondering, he lied on my shoulder when he was sleeping, is he purposely did that or just accidentally dropped his head on my shoulder? "Dropped his head" haha.. sounds wrong... But anyway, I like this kind of ambiguous feeling.

When I told Chin about my numbness towards guys who came near me, she suggested that I looked for another guy to start a new relationship. Although I was intended to do so, but in the end I withdrawned. The reason is I can't find a better guy, who is much more better than him. As gentleman as he was, who always send me home.. Hmmm, if that's the case, I might as well have a driver boyfriend, then he cam always send me home.. Funny.. Must be wondering if he was that good, why are we break up at the first place? Because I am a selfish girl..

Anyway, I like to make friends with Malay guys, they are funny and childish.. Hahaha.. some Malay guys, not all.. Some are truly sucks... Believe me, really sucks...

爱一人

如果你不爱一个人,

请放手.

好让别人有机会爱她.

如果你爱的人放弃了你,

请放开自己,

好让自己有机会爱别人.

有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的,

有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的.

人生中有许多种 .

但别让自己为一种伤害.

有些缘分是注定要失去的,

有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的,

爱一个人不一定要拥有,

但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她.

男人哭了是因为他真的爱了.

女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了.

p/s: I believe in this phrase.. Things that are no belongs to you, will never be yours. But how will you know that he/ she is really fated for you? Don't ask me. Because I always failed in that task..

如果真诚是一种伤害,

我选择谎言;

如果谎言一种伤害,

我选择沉默;

如果沉默是一种伤害,

我选择离开.

如果失去是苦，

你怕不怕付出 ,

如果迷乱是苦，

你会不会选择结束,

如果追求是苦，

你会不会选择执迷不悟 ,

如果分离是苦，

你要向谁倾诉,

好多事情都是后来才看清楚,

好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦!!!!

p/s: Sometimes, you need to let go so that you can see the real situation. And I had choose to let him go at that time, because i realize that I do love him, but I also know and realize that my presence will cause him being sandwiched between me and his family. I also doubt that they will accept me with their open heart even we get married one day.

***爱&缘分***

１.她無聊時陪她〃All these, girls also have to do the same thing. Because when a couple come to a relationship,it must be involving both party.

２.她難過時安慰她〃

３.男生要主動點〃

４.多約女友出去〃

５.不能讓女友主動約〃

６.讓她每天都開心愉快〃this bull shit..

７.要好好對待女友〃also bull shit

８.順從女友的意〃also bull shit

９.不要讓她傷心難過〃also bull shit

１０.當她被欺負要立刻去保護她〃also bull shit, only gentleman will do so...

１１.不要隱瞞女友事情〃also bull shit, too honest will have an bad effect to your relationship..so don't do that. 90% honesty will do. Trust me.

１２.不能背叛女友〃this is definately a taboo.. never ever do that..

Institute of Mental Health

14. 09. 2009 - 25.09. 2009 == My attachment to Institute of Mental Health, IMH. And guess where it's located.. It's at Hougang. H-o-u-g-a-n-g.... That is the last place that i want to go. Luckily, bus 88 never pass by the route that i used to take. Not very big deal but still i don't like the feeling. Not good. It reminds me about him. Sian.. I bet he's leading a good free life now. And i know he will have a new girlfriend soon because i know his family will arrange for him. That's his "dear" family which is one of the reason why we break up. Like i know everything but actually is I know nothing about him.. But there is 1 thing that i know.. i still cannot forget him..

Let's talk about IMH. I was placed in male ward, ward 33A. Quite creepy.. male some more.. I think I'll be very caution at all time when I'm in the ward. I'm angry with Shuang Shuang today when we were oriented by Mr. Ibrahim. When Mr. Ibrahim was interviewing a patient, some of the curious male patient were standing behind us. Mr. Ibrahim was warned us before not to let patient to stand behind us. And Leo gave me some eye contact and asked us to move to his side. I asked Shuang Shuang to go to his side but she refused. And she said standing here will do. I don't know why I was quite upset and angry when she refused to go there. Is it because I was wanted to protect her or... I really don't know. Even I was thinking tomorrow I want to ask some of the male students to look after Shuang Shuang because I can't trust Sherley. Maybe I shouldn't be so judgemental. But the insticnt is there.

And I brought a new camera during the Comex IT fair. It's pink colour. OMG.. pink.. I think i like pink now. And guess what? Chin also brought the same camera like mine, pink some more. I remember that she told me she want to buy the camera in December. When the promoter was promoting the camera, I can feel that Chin also want to buy. Again.. insticnt.. haiz.. how long can i trust my insticnt? I had no idea. Hahaha..

Anyway, I hope all my friends all the best during our attachment in IMH.. And take care.. And be carefull to myself too.. Because I have an insticnt that I'll face some problem with the patients there.. INSTINCT..

Not my day..

Today really not my day... I had call Miss Dorris and had left her a message but she never reply. And Miss Huang Fang gave me Mr. Chan's number and i called. He also never answer my call. Damn!!! What kind of lecturer/ manager are they? Stupid..

And this morning on the way to polyclinic, I saw an immoral scene. Not really immoral but I don't know what the word to describe. I know my English sucks. Ok. Errmm.. I took a bus and there was an old man in the bus. And at the reserved seat, the seats were occupied by all those healthy people-- young and healthy idiot people. And they just let the old man to stand and they sit like no body bussiness. The same thing happened when Chin and I were on the way home after our shopping. We sat in front of an a bit old man. He put his stuff beside him and had occupied the whole seat. And an Indian mother and daughter came in. The daughter asked for the seat and guess what and how the uncle say: " Don't you see I had my things there? If you sit here, where should I put my things?" So in the end, we are the one who gave up our seats, who are really damn tired and have a lot of things to carry. Actually, there are 2 NYP's student nurses sitting there. But they don't seem like have any intension to gave up their seats and so do other people. I don't know how they think, but that's not a good way to treat old people and really racist. I hate these kind of people.

And i took bus 295 to school for my practice, and I don't know what was in the bus captain's mind, but he never stop at the stop that I want to alight. In the end I had to walk a quite long distance instead of near my school. Such an idiot bus captain. I think he should go for DEVELOPMENTAL ASSESSMENT... for hearing test!!

Library: I want to photocopy my assignment but the photocopy mechine under maintainence. So i have to walk all the way to the printing room, and it was unsuccessful. Therefore, I had to walk back and forth for a few times. Shit!! And in the end, I went to the photocopy shop at block H. Guess what? The damn attitude!! I really hate that attitude!! Bastard!! Arghh.... Why i had such a day? So bloody hell..

I hate Singapore.. But I had to love it because I have to stay here for quite a long time. But anyway, a bit better than M'sia itself. I hack care about what those typical Singaporeans think, but do not blame foreigners because it's you all that who choose not to do all those "low class" jobs. So stop blaming and stop demanding!! Irritating!!! Sorry to say this, but yeah!!! Singaporean friends of mine, please don't get pissed off or misunderstood, because you all know what I really mean..

2 Happy things: I saw Miss Lee Siew Hwa this evening. And I had asked her about the green book thingy. And she told me not to be too worry about the green book. So I think I'll just wait till the school re-open to ask for a new book. She is a nice lady (M'sian) but sometimes quite fierce.I like to talk to her.. Another happy thing is I had brought a MAN's jean and guess what the size is? 34.. OMG.. so fat.. but I quite like the design.. and also brought a baggy shirt only at $7.50.. haha.. And all together was only $ 26+ $7.50= $ 33.50 Hahaha....

my world is collapsing..

Atttached to AMK polyclinic. Actually quite fun there, because got a lot of good nurses and people there. The dressing room was fun. And nurses also very cute. I think I'll try to work in polyclinic after 2 years I work in hospital. Haha... Anyway, I lost my green book.. sad.. And now I also cannot find Miss Dorris to settle my green book thingy. Haiz..

Actually i was intended to ask auntie whether she had seen my green book or not, but I just scared that she might shoot me back by saying next time don't anyhow put your things. And I really want to ask her to stop clean up our room because there was no point of cleanning the room by just clean the empty spaces. No point of doing that because the room is still dirty. And fucking hell she put the dustin on my book. If the book is her son's, I'm doubt she will do so. Such an stupid idiot bastard. And her brother and son like to smoke, when she was around, they will go out and smoke, if not, they hack care!!! Somemore, they also don't like to flush water after pee.. smelly..idiot family..

And i think my right knee have the side effect after my fall. It's hurt when i knee on a hard surface. So i also don't know what to do. I'll tagged myself-- high risk for fall. Hahaha..

Anyway, I'm going to buy a camera this weekend. I have to thank Shuang Shuang and "monk", she lend me the money and encourage me to get what i want and he gave me advise on what kind of camera suits me. Thanks to both of you, and Chin, thanks for accompany me to buy the camera.

2.9.2009-- 2 months anniversarry of break up. But yet, I still miss him..

these few days..

Actually, I'm not really in a good mood since yesterday. Don't ask me why, because I also don't know the reason. I even get angry over small things, and was cried a bit... The reason I'm not dare to cry a lot was I had make up.. And I just don't wanna be ugly..

Last night, a "monk" asked me whether want to be part of his life. I was stunned and I think he didn't mean it from the bottom of his heart. But that question do touched me. Maybe because of that question, I act strangely today. Even I was at the workplace. The feeling was not right. I miss him.. I was wanted to be pampered by some one.. I had been 2 months never been hug and kissed.. But there is no way for me to find a friend for a hug and kiss right?

When I work, I had a sudden feeling, that I want to be in a relationship again. But when i think twice with my conscious mind, I don't think I had such free time for my new boyfriend. I have to work, school, projects, JMD, my friends, and my family. I think when I really put my time for all these, I really don't have extra time for my boyfriend.

In the other hand, I'm kind of give up on guys. Quite disappointed with them. Because there are only a few of gentlemen can be found in Singapore. So pity... Malaysia? I had no idea, because I never spend any extra time to know M'sian friends because I was new in Johor Bahru. Such an idiot excuses..

exam period

This is what I had been doing during my exam period..Take photo.. and chat with chin... And here I have another tips for all my friends that read my blog and also for those who know Chin. DON'T study with her if you really want to study. Because she will kept on talking to you and distract you with games and MVs..

Pretend to study first.. And then... >>>

Continue take photos... Muahahahah

Now is my turn to disturb people... hehehe

>>>>>>>>> >>>>> >>>>> I sit like an APE...

Now, it's my Polar bear time!! >>> I sit on the laptop..

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Oooppss...

Oh god... can some one help me out of this stupid situation? I didn't look nice in this position... Thanks... I'll be happy if you help me up instead of just look at me and laugh....

Thanks for your help... I'll try again and this time, I'll make sure I won't stuck there...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Oh yeah... Polar bear kampateh!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sit on the top of the laptop... Steady....

Finally... I sat on the keyboard... Want to fart... lol... I think i can just fart like that because the keyboard have lots of space for my fart to go through... hahaha... Anyway that's Chin's laptop.. Sorry for your laptop.. Muahahaha.. (evil laugh)

p/s: This is not the right things to do during exam period... The right things to do is ----- DO NOT LAST MINUTE STUDY , because the Buddha's leg was not meant to be hug like that..

beach-ing...

Well, Ting ting asked me to go to Sentosa for sun bathe.. Because I also crave for sun bathing, so I agree to go there. Anyway, I had never go to Sentosa since 2005 if I'm not wrong. Such a long time. Actually, Wei Long did intended to bring me there, but some how, his excuses for not bringing me there is "expensive, no money".. Well, I don't know what's wrong but every time we were on a date, I always pay for my share.. Confused.. Never mind, it's past tense.. Before we get changed, the weather was really nice to sun bathe. But once we were done, the weather turned 180 degree.. And very soon, it rained dogs and cats/ cats and dogs.. Aiya.. anything la..

>>>>>> >>>> >>>> In the end, we can't wait for the sun to come out, so we just ran into the sea. Quite warm in the sea.. The temperature was just nice...

While waiting for the stupid idiot J-pot restaurant to open, we went to outside for a walk. And took a lot of funny pictures.

Hahaha.. four beauties took picture in the toilet. Anyway, I'll never have my meal in Vivocity anymore. Because the food was super duper expensive. Maybe will have fast food there but not any restaurant. I'm so scared of my wallet will have 1 bug hole. I'll be very sad.

p/s: Anyway, I've not went to Vivo city for more than 8 months because thanks to some one that are jealous because I had been there with my previous ex boyfriend before. Anyway, maybe i should just stop thinking of you. But sometimes, the only things that can't heal-- was our own memories. For those who had been deeply in love, might understood what i mean...